Don’t let Kanye into his zone
This game is as close to perfection as we’re ever likely to attain. In the parlance of today’s internet, this game is “everything” in addition to making me “unable to even.” Every single major event and breakthrough in human history, fuck it, in the history of the universe has been leading up to the creation of this game. Humankind first figuring out that if we plant some shit and wait for it to grow less of us starve to death, the first great empires, Newtonian physics, the light bulb – all of it has been inexorably, unflinchingly, unescapably progressing to the point in time where the perfect combination of technology and culture could coalesce into something great. It is perhaps the greatest achievement in human history. Let me break it down real quick.
You play as a nameless, shapeless blue ball. Your only purpose is to keep Kanye (represented in this game by Kanye’s head) out of his “zone,” a purple circle in the middle of the game screen. Each time you successfully prevent Kanye from entering his zone, three things happen. One – Kanye tells you emphatically to NOT let him into his zone. Two – another Kanye head appears, intent on entering his zone. And three – his zone grows bigger periodically. There is no winning at this game. Kanye ALWAYS enters his zone. All you can do is survive longer.
It’s a perfect metaphor for a lot of things. Kanye’s career for one. There was never any chance that Kanye West would NOT end up as one of the biggest stars of his generation. You can bitch and moan all you want about he’s unlikable or too cocky or he’s married to Kim Kardashian, but the word “moxie” was invented for that dude. He’s undeniable, even as you deny it.
What it really is, though, and what makes it truly special is how it is a perfect metaphor for life. We’re all just blue balls trying to prevent Kanye from entering his zone. Fighting the good, unwinnable fight against mortality and real meaning. Maybe we live on through those we’ve touched, our kids, our contributions to the betterment of mankind, but as time passes, all traces of us, our families and our civilizations will be lost to eternity, just as every day the high scores are wiped clear, and new names, new empires, new species rise to take our place.
We’re all just specks in this vast universe of ours. Full of wonder, full of questions, thirsty for a purpose. There’s only two things I know. We’re all temporary. And Kanye ALWAYS enters his zone.